Marriage is a funny thing. It has a life of its’ own and
needs feeding. I have learned more from
watching my kids and their relationships than I ever learned in my own.
My oldest daughter,
Lulubelle, was not an easy kid to raise. She was bright, stubborn, clever, and
had the knack of finding the one thing that would annoy me the most and doing
it. From the day he was born her brother
became a target. She loved him but she also felt he was a test subject. She
once cut her brother’s beautiful blonde hair while he was in the high chair. He
smiled a toothless smile at me and I then noticed the missing tuft of hair at
the top of his head. Lulubelle then proceeded to cut her own very long hair
right above her ear; on one side. When I
asked her why, she said “Grandma said if you cut your hair it grows faster and
I want long hair”. Oy. (sigh) I understood her logic.
As the years progressed Lulubelle became a favorite among
many. She was headstrong, straight forward, goofy and defiant. It was a hard combination to parent. We had many arguments through the preteen and
teenage years. Silly arguments; both of us struggling for power. Instead of focusing on loving my daughter, I
was focused on controlling her. Such a waste of energy. Why would I want to
control a free spirit? I realized one day that one of my favorite things to do
was to watch her ride her horse. She would run across the fields with her hair
flying free. What a beautiful sight! I began to realize that this visual was
exactly who she was. She needed freedom; freedom from me. She went to stay with
her dad and on making that decision I started mending my relationship with
Lulubelle.
Lulubelle grew into a beautiful woman. She married and had
babies. The is the same girl who hole punched the kitty’s ear so it could wear earrings, peeled the
sheetrock off the wall when she was bored, snuck out of the house but
didn’t “sneak” back in, and ate ice
cream by the gallon. She has had her trials with my grandchildren. They are
bright, clever, stubborn, headstrong, and goofy. She has had to clean up the remnants of an
attempted cake baking gone wrong,
colored walls, lipstick painted bodies, removed diapers and what was in
them painted…everywhere. Her childhood
has most definitely come back to haunt her.
Through all her trials she has kept her dignity, with frustrated humor
and calls me to tell me about it. I support her and comfort her by telling her,
“ no, there is nothing wrong with your children. They are just children.” As
her kids have grown, so has her marriage. What started as a young couple
teetering, is now a solid couple who has figured out what works for them. They
both make an effort to keep their bond fresh and alive. They go on dates and do
random interesting things.
As a woman she is something to be proud of. She is a
wonderful momma. She is true to her friends and she is there when you need her.
Many times I have called her at the last minute to see if she can help with an
event at my work and she is there, willing and able. I enjoy her dry humor and
straight forward attitude. She is capable and reliable. I’ve enjoyed watching
this rebellious girl turn into a strong woman, good friend, loyal sister and
compassionate mother. I mostly enjoy
watching her feel particularly in control until she realizes…she has siblings.
Siblings that aren’t afraid of her. They aren’t afraid of her bark. (and she
has one) One particular day her brother
and I were buying Halloween candy. He picks up some horrid looking fake tarantulas
with hairy legs and I say “what are you…? Oh no.” He has a devilish grin. We head up to Lulubelle’s for dinner. I’m
down stairs and he asks me if I notice anything. I look around, and up in the
curtains are a couple very long hairy legs poking out. He is a brave soul. He is so happy that I didn’t have the heart
to remind him he will have to deal with the wrath of Lulubelle. He’s used to it,
I suppose. I shake my head at him, and
then I hear it. “ahhh! Who put that on my bed?!” He grins bigger. Revenge for
Lulubelle wasn’t over. He had hidden
them throughout the house and she found them on random occasions. Each time
calling her brother names and he would grin.
One day Lulubelle revealed that she thought yard gnomes were
creepy. So of course, her brother went
out and bought some. He also included their youngest sibling, to insure
secrecy. Every now and then he or the
sibling would place a yard gnome in her flower bed. Time went on with no
comments from Lulubelle. He would ask me, “has she said anything?” Finally
after a few months of hiding them, Lulubelle calls me to tell me she had just
got done scolding her boys for lying that there were gnomes in their yard. (“you
two are watching too much Harry Potter!” ); until she went out to check. “Mom!
Where did they come from?!” Well, none of us told her, which drove her crazy.
Why she didn’t immediately put it together that it was her brother, is beyond
me. She came to adjust to her creepy
yard gnomes. She still has them. She’s even created flower beds for them. Maybe
as a reminder that even when people aren’t with you, they still think about
you. Maybe it’s so that she remembers
you are never in control. Maybe it’s to remind her to get back at her brother.
Seriously, he can’t possibly think that’s not going to happen…. Could he?
